When I had it all
by tarry rash wanton
Summary: Hermione's sad POV upon Harry leaving her... Please r/r!!


A/N: Thank you so much Eileen!! You're a great gal- and I'm not an obssesed freak, thank you very much... ^-^  
Things just can't work out for Hermione and Harry could it? In Hermione's POV, she gets depressed and longs for Harry in sorrow...   
But crying couldn't change anything...  
  
**When I had it all…**  
  
Tonight is just another ordinary night. I can feel the wind brushing through my hair. I find myself calling out your name  
again. Hoping that wherever you are, you can hear me. Suddenly tears began to fall. I remember the memories of the  
love we once had. I can still remember it so clearly. We had a perfect love that no one could break. If destinies come  
true, I know that we were both destined for each other. But sometimes, some good things never last. Sometimes, the  
harder we try to keep the person we love in our hands, the more they slip away. Now, here I am alone, trying to recall  
all the things that happened. Trying to mend my broken heart. Trying to forget the memories you left behind, when all  
along, I really thought it was Destiny…   
  
"Let me go", that's what you said. Even though you know how much I wanted you to stay. Even though you know how  
much you love me, even though you know that inspite of all the pains I've caused you, I'll always be the person you  
will always love. Though tears started to fall, I had no choice but to let go of you…. You said I was conceited. That I  
never really made you feel that I love you. But no one really knows how I feel… If you only knew how much I  
worshipped you, you and the ground you walked on…then I guess you wouldn't leave me for someone else. Though I  
made you think that I was over you, and that I'm starting to move on, I waited for you silently, hoping that one day  
you'll comeback and continue our Destiny…I kept that living hope inside me, too strong to kindle, too intense to  
pacify. Then, I saw you once again. I looked into your eyes and tried to stop the tears from falling. I held your hand to  
let you know how much I miss you, how much I still care, how much I still love you. But instead you showed me the  
picture of the one person I truly hate, the person who gave you the reason to leave me. But then, I tried to beat the  
odds. I confronted you, baring all my feelings, hoping that you felt the same way too. But then, you just pushed me  
away once again. And what you said to me killed all those feelings I cherished. I buried it so deep that I thought no one  
could ever unravel it once more. You crashed my heart and left me empty handed. It took me a lot of self-resistance to  
avoid you, knowing it's for the best. But the more I avoid you, the more I control my feelings for you, the more it  
grows.   
  
I never really imagined that someday, we'd end up apart. We even made a promise that no one could ever come  
between us. I know I've caused you pain a lot of times that made you feel that I don't love you. But believe me, I have  
never loved anyone else the way I am loving you now. That's why when you left and decided to leave me for someone  
else, I never thought you could do such horrible thing to me that inflicted me with so much pain. I was so happy every  
time I'm with you. We had our share of laughter's and a bit of tears. You were my best friend, my comfort and my  
strength. I was in this illusion I never expected that something worst is about to happen. Sorry for me, things didn't  
turn out the way I expected. The castle I built came tumbling down shattered into pieces. It's so hard to believe that I  
don't have you anymore. I've always thought you were mine…all mine. I always thought I had your love and that  
you'll love me until the end. I felt like shouting and hurling nasty curses at you, but instead, tears came rolling down  
my cheeks. Because I know that no matter how painful it is, no matter how many tears I've cried, I know I'll still be  
loving you. And no matter how I try to hate you, I'll just love you more instead. I really tried to get you out of my mind,  
but the harder I try, the stronger my feelings are. I never thought that falling in love could be this hard. But if it were  
you that I'm falling in love with, I'd rather take all the hardships knowing it was worth it after all…  
  
The pain killed me and I died a thousand times. I couldn't find myself anymore. Our love is like an expensive jar  
broken into pieces. How I wish I could pick up those broken pieces and bring them back together again. How I wish I  
can take away all your fears and fill your heart with love instead of pain. How I wish confusion wont keep us apart just  
like now. But that's not the way it goes. Sometimes it takes time to realize how much a person means to you. Too bad,  
other people realize their mistakes when it's too late. But in our case, I believe we still have a chance. If only you'll  
listen to me and hear my heart, you could feel how much I wanted to build my dreams with you and spend the rest of  
my life loving you. But sometimes, some stories don't end up with a happy ending. Sometimes they end up saying  
goodbye once again. If only I have one wish in my command, I hope we'll never end up apart, because in as much as I  
don't want to admit it, I'm so lost without you. For you are the only reason of my existence in this absurd world. You  
were the only one who believed in me when no one else does. When I had it all, I took your love for granted, thinking it  
will always be there. I guess all I have to is move on and accept the fact that you're gone.   
  
Time made all the wounds heal. But my love for you still remains. My life became normal again. No more topsy-turvy  
spins that will make my life miserable. But no matter how happy I am or how many laughs I make in a day, things will  
never be the same without you, because you left a special place in my heart where no one else could ever be. A place  
that I'll always cherish and treasure until my dying days. Someday, I know if this love's meant to be, I know destiny  
will lead you back to me. And when that time comes, I know I'll never let you go again. Because you are someone  
whom I can never turn my back so easily. And I know that if you ever come back, I'll still accept you with open arms,  
without hesitations that things might no longer be the same. Because I trust my feelings that much and I know we can  
always make it through as long as I have you…  
  
The sun started to shine. I can't believe I spent the whole night thinking about you. Suddenly, I find myself smiling  
knowing that I was with you…in my thoughts and in my heart. Even if I lost you, our memories will always be with me  
for eternity. I'll always remember the good times that we had and forget all the bad times that destroyed the love that  
we used to share. I'll always remember your smile that used to brighten up my day. And most importantly, I'll always  
remember every loving moment spent with you. My love for you is enough to give me the strength to face all the  
hardships life has to offer. Now I feel complete, because I know I'll always have you in my heart. How I wish I could let  
you feel all the love I have inside me. But maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I know someday. Sometimes, the  
most loving thing you can do for someone is to let him go… If we were really destined for each other, I believe, one  
day, the sun would shine for us. I'll just sit here, wait for you and love you even in silence…  
  
  
  
A/N: *sob* well, poor Herm...Do you know who that one in the picture is?Cho Chang, so basically Harry leaves Hermione for Cho instead...  
  
Please Review....Please Review....Please Review....Please Review....Please Review....  
  



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